End it

Yes, I am completely aware of the allegations that have been brought upon my colleagues and I in the past few weeks. I am certain that through efforts of tact and genial acts of kindness the murkiness that has surrounded this situation can be de-mystified. Let me begin by addressing my old friend Senator Wather. Senator Wather, fuck you. Seriously man, what the jehova were you thinking? A military leak? This was a two-man army setup and you, my wingman, found a way to completely defecate in my mouth. Congratulations on being the sell-out of the year. How much is Devcore paying you? Huh, that’s interesting. Where can I cash your check for a steady supply of my dick in your ass, because that’ll be your annual salary if you choose to show your pathetic, moldy excuse for a mug. Yes Mel, the doors are locked. This is an internal takedown. Bones are going to continue to be picked. General Stevens, you lazy shit of a fuck-face. I can confidently mark my greatest mistake in life as not going back in time and sucker-punching your mother’s inflated sack of a tummy when you were gestating like the larvae that you are. Jesus you sicken me. It’s a commonly used phrase that if God came back to Earth today, he would vomit. If God saw what you did, he would most likely deliver a swift sandal to your clenched butt-hole. I even paid the pension so your crippled grandmother wouldn’t rot on the floor of some run-down clinic. Really, truly, what the fuck were you thinking? No, no, shut the fuck up. You reporters, no you can’t leave. This story is ending today.