Blame game

Is it the brain waves, the purple haze, that are making me smarter

Is it the blame games, untamed shame, that are making this harder

Did it start with you, an angry brew, simmering stew

Did you bake it new, stirring the anger, the hatred grew

If my intelligence is rising, and my intellect is climbing

The products of my own relationships must be lying

But it’s hard to cover up the unnerving truth

Through all this pain and rain, I was happier without you

It’s difficult to speak through the net of self-esteem

The diffidence is rising like the mad hatter, poisoned mercury

Eyebrows cocking at the broke bladder, hands and knees

Long sleeves cover trembling fists, clenching car keys

The battle to bolt is fought on my terse face

Nerves jitter, self-deprecating muscle lace

Should’ve built up the manner, written a discourse

Better to let defeat flow, then have it come forced

Drops fall like cold tea on a sterile man’s feet

My actions fit my final resting, and Satan greets

I can’t testify, or argue my final plea

Try to explain, really, truly, there’s nothing wrong with me

Fingers point in every direction

Outside the circle

A direct connection

The only spot saved a point anew

Is the spot focused right on back at you

With every turn this life changes into a show

Eagerly shaking the phoenix bird, new life raffle

Hoping for another turn on the wheel of misfortune

Fingers crossed, prayers made, maybe this time I’ll win