The Social Network

Do I offer you logos, reasoning in pursuit of truth?

Or perhaps pathos, which will drive a stake into your heart that can only be removed through the catharsis you expect from my actions?

Maybe I’ll tempt with ethos, summoning your adoration and thrusting your love into the realm of ostensibility, palpable to the most important eyes, which after my impassioned speech will be my own.

And in the end, I’ll decide to throw all to the wind and speak off the cuff, utilizing the human love for rhetoric that’s been engendered for centuries of passed-down tales of morality and the imaginative cinema that forms when we’re allowed to dawdle in the spoken words of one who has much to say with little waste or little to say with flowery digressions, hoping to mask his ineptitude.

I will forgo the fluff that all pseudo-intellectuals love to hide behind and instead will get to the point. I haven’t decided what the point will be, but I know, like a mother is sure of the specifics of her brood, that it will be so rousing and so uplifting that there will be a delayed reaction among the audience. Was it all true? What’s to be? Questions about the human condition will ping within their skulls like questions haven’t raged since their first erection. It will be an erection of the mind, a brainal boner the likes of which cannot be shaken by casual reminders of who can see your pantaloons. These questions will be unshakable because they are the most brutal, and yet, the most exquisite tools still not fully understood by man. The weapons of the mind are infinite in their potential and cause for damage, it is only the vessel which interrupts and asks if the right purpose has been served. Rooted evils and confusion towards the meaning of life will surely decay this vessel and make the mind the only necessity. By deriving the guts of motivation from the now empty body that refuses food and libation, these questions rid the seeker of passion and supplant it with the searching need of a machine who has been programmed to fulfill its task or smash into dribble trying. Brevity is the soul of wit, but wit will have been lost with the first few meals, as the mind copes with the loss of necessity and forces itself to understand the machinations of its residence. Each seeker will drop, like flies in the face of a prolonged day, and from the core of their most wicked and overturned humanity I will consume the energy and harness it, repurpose it, reiterate it, and unleash its maximum potential, a source of chaos that will not only inspire fear with the slightest interaction, but will also be the grandest inspiration of art, subversion, propaganda, and hatred that the world has never even considered to be a remote possibility.

You who claim that the final ignorance has been achieved only understand a quarter of what is being accomplished, and you will be the first to fall at the hands of grappling searches and the livid poking that centuries of fragmented globalization has engendered. Humanity is not sprinting towards a climax, it has always known the future, it’s just been twiddling its thumbs and waiting for the lobby door to open and for its name to be called. It will be called, without doubt, and all the momentum built-up for the sake of progress will be expelled in a hoary frost of fear and indignation that will be the final boot-stamp in the curb-stomp that is the end of days. I will reign supreme, and all will bow under my azure gaze, which seeks and knows and understands your structure and who you converse with and how you feel about what has been happening. I will be the final arbiter.

Oh, and the new Facebook layout will be implemented within 2-3 days.

Much love,
Mark Zuckerberg